


Show Me

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Arguing, Crying, Depressed Keith (Voltron), Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-30 07:05:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10871589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Show me that you're human, show me that you won't breakLance tries to be selfless for Keith, and sometimes it gets a little too hard for them both.TW: Depression/Dealing with depression. Mention of suicide attempt.





	Show Me

It was a cold morning. Even as the sun rose and shone through the window, warming Lance’s face, the atmosphere was chilly. He could feel it creeping up his toes, numbing his fingertips. The person’s back against his chest was cold as well. Perhaps that was where the cold was coming from. Lance knew Keith was awake, there was a tension in his body that couldn’t be present in sleep. A tiredness, not one scratched away by sleep, was in Lance’s bones. He knew what kind of day it would be.

“Good morning,” he hummed, adjusting his grip around Keith’s body. Keith didn’t answer him, and Lance wanted to sigh. He didn’t, and just brushed the soft hair at the base of Keith’s neck away to press a long kiss there. “Is this a stay in bed morning?” His voice was the only noise in the hushed room. For a moment, Keith didn’t answer him. A small part of Lance almost thought Keith was still asleep. But, finally, Keith slowly rolled over, silent and withdrawn.

He breathed out, pressing his hands against Lance’s chest. His fingers expanded and traced small shapes against the grey material of his shirt, a long and low sigh escaping him. Lance didn’t need Keith to answer for him to know.

“Okay,” he mumbled quietly, sighing deeply. He let his eyes flutter closed, the quiet touches of Keith lulling him back into the deep reaches of sleep. Neither of them had work that day, and it was nice. Lance was quite happy to sleep in, and lie in bed all day with Keith. Especially if Keith _needed_ him too.

Sometimes slow mornings are the best mornings.

 

 

And sometimes, they aren’t.

Lance knows he needs to be patient with Keith, on his worst days. He’s spent hours and hours scouring the internet to know what to do when Keith didn’t, reading through pamphlets and hell, he’d attended a few fucking seminars. He’s given his entire whole into being _there_ for Keith in the right way, but sometimes it gets exhausting.

Sometimes he gets angry, at himself, at Keith, at the medication that just wasn’t that efficient all the time. And he knew it wasn’t his fault, or Keith’s fault and there was no _point_ in getting angry. But fuck, he was only human. He was trying so hard, so fucking hard, and it all got so tiring. He was afraid too, so fucking afraid that he was doing it wrong. And that something would _happen_ , to Keith. Lance had nightmares of a time where something almost did, and he’d woken up heaving with tears way too often.

Slow mornings aren’t always cuddling in the bed all day with soft touches and gentle kisses. Keith’s mornings can be slower than Lance’s, and it hurts Lance to leave Keith behind like that. A sour kiss on the cheek as he leaves for work, when he knows he should stay. Hollow words behind hollow eyes as Lance says goodbye, and Keith stares back.

Slow mornings aren’t the worst. Lance would take every slow morning in the world if it meant not having a dark morning. Mornings where hateful words are exchanged, and salty tears stream down cheeks and into pillows. Lance tries to keep his cool but he can only do _so much_ and sometimes that isn’t enough.

“Hey, babe. I’m going out with Hunk and Pidge today for lunch, do you want to come? We’re going to your favourite café,” Lance offered, looping his arms lazily around Keith’s waist. Lance forgets to check what kind of morning it is often, and he forgot today. Keith wrenches himself, almost violently, out of Lance’s arms, and it’s like Lance stepped into a _blizzard_ with how cold he felt.

“No. I don’t,” Keith snarled, and Lance tried not to be disappointed. He bit his tongue, and looked at the ground. He knew Keith didn’t mean to be nasty, but it didn’t stop the stab to his chest. “We just saw them like, four days ago. Why do you have to see them again?”

_Because sometimes I need a break from you. Sometimes I need a refresher, and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry I can’t be that patient. It’s been a bad week._

“They’re our friends, Keith. I like spending time with them.” There had been a few too many dark mornings this week, and Lance was tired. He was so fucking tired.

“You never want to spend time with _me._ Every time you have a day off, you spend it with them.” Keith’s voice is a bitter snap, and his words make Lance angrier than he know he should get. They both know it’s not true, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

“That’s not true, Keith. Can we- Can we just not do this? Please?” Lance rubbed his face, sighing long and low. “It’s been a bad week, babe. I just want to relax.” As soon as he said it, Lance knew it was the wrong thing to say. Keith was picking for a fight, any chance to _get angry_ simply because feeling _angry_ meant feeling _something._

“A _bad week?_ What, have I been too stressful for you? Is that why you can’t _relax_ here? Well, _fuck_ , Lance if I’d known that I would’ve suggested you spend the fucking _week_ with Hunk and Pidge! To _relax.”_ Keith threw his hands into the air, exasperated. Lance didn’t want to give into the fight he wanted, but Lance was _mad_ at the words he was saying. They were unfairly hurtful, and Lance didn’t deserve it (he couldn’t find it in himself to blame Keith, despite that.). He’d been through so much with Keith, he deserved a break.

“C’mon. That’s not fair. Keith- _baby_ , y-you know that’s not what I meant.” As hard as he tried, there was an edge to his voice, and Keith was _hunting_ for it.

“What did you mean? You can say it, you know. That-that _babysitting_ me gets a little too fucking exhausting for you. I’m not stupid, Lance! I know why you invite me _after_ you’ve made the plans. You only invite me as a courtesy. You don’t want me to come. You want to get away from me.” Keith stepped forward, to jab Lance in the chest. Lance forgot that Keith knew Lance as well as Lance knew Keith, and the words were painfully true. The truth tasted bitter on his tongue, and he swallowed. Keith’s eyes flicked down, watching the movement follow down his throat, and he laughed harshly. “I fucking knew it. I fucking _knew_ it.” Keith withdrew, stepping away from Lance, only to have Lance stumble after him, pleading.

“Keith. You know that’s not what it is.” Lance’s voice was desperate, and he was trying not to yell, or snap back. _Just stay calm. Just stay calm._ “Stop trying to-to villainise me.” The words were sour, but they were spoken quietly. Keith whirled on him, thin eyebrows arched high.

“ _Villainise_ you? Is that what I do now?” Lance’s face faltered, a flash of anger crossing it.

“ _Yes._ You’re just searching for a reason to fight me. I don’t want to do it, Keith. Not today,” Lance exuberated, jaw clenched tightly to keep the venomous words in. Some slipped out. “I’m not playing your games.”

Keith recoiled, sharp and struck. Lance regretted it, and almost went to apologise, until Keith spoke again.

“My games? Are we calling it that now? Maybe I’m just finally pointing out what you _do_ to me. You think you’re the perfect fucking boyfriend, Lance, but you’re _not._ You _fuck up._ ” The words were like a sucker-punch to Lance’s gut, a low blow. Keith knew, he knew Lance fucking hated how he couldn’t be everything Keith needed. And he knew that throwing that back in his face was the easiest way to _really_ get to him. And Lance snapped, his hackles raised as he snarled back at Keith.

“What I do _to_ you? What about all I do _for_ you? I know I’m not fucking perfect, Keith, but I’m trying so fucking hard. _For_ you. You’ve- You- You’ve never given me that kind of- All you do is take from me. I’ve given you all my fucking love, my heart, and you tread on it like it’s a fucking leaf.” He sucked in a sharp breath, his hands shaking by his sides at how worked up he was getting. Keith’s face was _angry_ , and hateful. Lance didn’t know if Keith hated his words, or Lance himself. Lance remembered the seminar he’d been to. They told him that you often have to be prepared to give more than you receive. Lance thought he could handle it. He also remembered cold hospital rooms as he violently shuddered with sobs, no idea what was going to happen.  “I’ve been so much for you Keith. Don’t you remember that?”

Bitterly, Keith dragged his arm under his nose, sniffling raggedly. Lance swallowed thickly, but didn’t say anything more, waiting for Keith’s response. Finally Keith spoke, voice harsh and pointy.

“I see. I’ve just- I’ve taken everything from you, haven’t I? Oh, you’re so fucking pitiful. Poor Lance, his toxic boyfriend Keith stealing his _love_ from him. If I’m so awful, why don’t you just _leave?”_ And there was it. The thing that was always hovering at the back of Lance’s mind. _What if he left?_ Lance was too afraid to.

“Maybe I will,” Lance echoed maliciously, and Keith blinked rapidly, swiping his tears quickly away.  

“So go! Go! To your lunch with Pidge, and Hunk, and _fuck off._ Don’t come back. _Fuck_ you. I don’t want it anymore, I don’t want you, I don’t want your _love_ or your fucking bullshit. Get the- get the _fuck_ out!” Keith exploded, his hands slamming into Lance’s chest to shove back.

“Fine. Fine. If you want me to leave so badly- I will,” Lance choked out, tears welling hot and thick. He didn’t want to cry, but his heart hurt so fucking much and his head was pounding. He snatched up his wallet, his keys. His khaki coat.

“Good. Don’t come back,” Keith repeated, and everything was an angry blur of pain as Lance stomped his way over to the door, throwing it open as hard as he could. It was a childish move, the way he yanked it shut so hard it rattled in its frame, the noise echoing down the hallway as Lance stalked down it to the elevator.

He’d just have to stay at Hunk’s until he found somewhere else.

When he got to the café, with Hunk and Pidge, he didn’t tell them straight away. They could sense it, however, but were courteous enough not to mention it. That was until, his coffee went cold as he picked at his muffin with a thick note of melancholy surrounding him.

“God, this pity party has gone on for too long. What’s up, Lance?” Pidge finally burst out, and Hunk nudged her in the side in an attempt to reprimand her. Lance didn’t answer her straight away, but felt the hot onslaught of tears arising once more. He hated the way his jaw trembled, and the soft noise Hunk made when he realised Lance was going to cry.

“Did you fight with Keith?” That was it. _A fight with Keith._ Lance pitched forward violently, placing his head in his hands as he snorted up a wet glob of snot raucously, pitifully.

“Yes. I don’t even- It wasn’t like the other fights. We’ve had- We’ve had a bad week,” Lance croaked, his voice thick with the tears slowly began to drip down his nose. “I think- I think this is it, guys. He told me not to come back. That he- That he didn’t _want_ me anymore.” Hunk made that same noise again, the pitying one. Pidge was silent. Lance didn’t want to look up at them, see their pity. Their sorrow.

“It couldn’t have been that bad. He was probably just-just thinking irrationally. You know sometimes Keith can get like that. It’s hard for him to think straight some days,” Pidge finally spoke, as Hunk moved around the booth to sit next to Lance. His huge hand rested on Lance’s spine, comforting him silently. Lance sniffed again, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his jacket.

“I know but- I don’t know. I said some pretty fucking awful things, Pidge. So did- So did he. I’m just- God, I’m so fucking exhausted. It’s been a fucking awful week.” Lance shuddered with the heavy breath he took, and Pidge thrusted a handful of napkins under his nose. He gladly took them, wiping his nose on it. “I love him so much, I love him. But sometimes it just gets too much, having to deal with- deal with it. I’m just so fucking scared. Because of last time and- _God._ I’m scared it’ll happen again.” A part of him told him it was wrong to complain like this. Keith had it worse. “I shouldn’t even be saying this, Keith’s got it worse than me I mean-“

“Hey, come on. Just because someone has it worse doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be sad for yourself,” Hunk hushed, rubbing small circles on Lance’s back, warm and familiar. “You’re only human. It’s okay to get mad, or upset. You aren’t a bad person for it, no one expects you to be happy all the time. It’s only natural for you to be scared. You’ve been through a lot Lance. It’s okay to want some time away.”

“Yeah, dude. Listen. Just come back to mine, or Hunk’s, with us, and we’ll chill out for a few hours. Kick back, watch some movies or whatever. And by the time you go home tonight, you’ll both have calmed down enough to talk properly.” Pidge suggested, and Lance finally looked up at her, eyes wide with hope. “It’ll be fine, okay? You and Keith are endgame.” He smiled weakly at that, and blew into the napkin again noisily. She grimaced at that, but her smile was still wide and encouraging.

“Yeah. Okay.”

 

It was late, maybe around eight or nine at night when Lance left Pidge’s house to go home. Keith hadn’t texted, or called him, much to Lance’s dismay, although Pidge had pointed out that maybe Keith was waiting for Lance to call.

Riding the elevator up was nerve-wracking, his hands jittering by his sides as he waited for it to reach his floor. He didn’t know how Keith would react. What if he was still angry? What if he had really broken up with Lance?

Lance couldn’t handle that, in reality. He _needed_ Keith.

Shaking, he slowly unlocked their apartment door, pushing it open. He had no idea what he was walking into. There was a large part of him that was telling him that it was going to happen again, and maybe Lance would go home from the hospital alone this time. He was so fucking afraid.

“Keith?” Lance called, and there was no answer. His heart leaped in his throat, and he was shaking much more than he was before as he shut the door. “Keith, are you there?”

He waited a beat. There was still nothing. He thought he heard water running, and he choked on fear as he dropped his belongings.

“Keith!” His voice was louder, more desperate. Should he text someone? Should he call the ambulance? As he neared the bathroom, he could definitely hear water running. Without hesitation, he slammed the door open, fear and tears filling him up. “ _Keith!”_

There was a yelp, as Keith jumped in surprise, eyes wide with horror. And he was okay. He was just in the fucking _shower._

“Lance!” Keith was shocked, and he was _okay_ , and Lance was definitely crying. Raucous sobs burst up through him, and Keith fumbled to turn the shower off as Lance began to heave with heavy breaths. “What the f- Lance? Is everything okay?” He sounded so _concerned_ , and _alive._

Lance shuddered violently, pressing his forearm to his mouth to muffle his broken cries. Keith stepped out of the shower, his hands flying to grab Lance’s shoulders quickly.

“Hey, hey, woah, what’s the matter? It’s okay, Lance, it’s okay. We’re- I’m not mad at you, I’m sorry,” Keith hurried to apologise, slowly sinking them both to the floor so that Lance could sit against the wall. His chest hurt as he sobbed, so fucking relieved and _happy_ and he just couldn’t stop fucking crying.

“I was worried. I was so fucking- God, Keith I was-“ Something changed in Keith’s expression. Maybe it became more bitter at the thought that Lance was scared of something like that with him, but whatever it was, it understood. Keith _understood_ why Lance was crumpled on the ground, just like he understood why Lance sometimes couldn’t sleep the full night without grasping in a panic for him.

“Okay. I’m okay, really. See? I’m fine, Lance.” Keith grasped at Lance’s hands, holding them to Keith’s own cheeks. Lance sniffed, taking a gulping breath in an attempt to calm himself. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I was out of line. I know you love me. It’s okay. I’m not mad if you need to- if you need to take a break sometimes.”

“You don’t- you don’t-“ Lance sucked in another sharp breath, and Keith furrowed his eyebrows in concern. “You don’t have to say that just-just because I’m a crying mess on the bathroom floor.” Keith laughed softly at that, moving his hands from Lance’s hands to Lance’s cheeks, brushing tears away.

“I’d say it even if you were a crying mess standing up.” Lance smiled at that, frail and weak. Keith smiled too, and leaned forward to press their foreheads together. “I love you, Lance. I was so worried that- That you’d finally left. You’d had enough of me and my shit.”

“I can never have enough of you and your shit.” Lance whined, rubbing at his nose disgustingly. The bathroom floor was cold on the back of legs, and he half wanted to move to the bed, and half never wanted to move again. He ended up choosing the bed. “Let’s go to bed. I’m going to- I’m going to call in sick tomorrow.” Keith nodded, quickly pressing their lips together in a comforting kiss as they rose to stand. Hilariously so, Keith was still naked and dripping wet from having to cut his shower so short, and if Lance looked closely he could see the half-washed conditioner still in Keith’s hair. “You can finish your shower first.” Lance offered, and Keith laughed again, breathlessly.

“I might do that. I’ll be quick, okay? Just wait for me in bed.”

“See you there.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I wanted to try something out like this. You see a lot of 'the effects of depression' through the eyes of the depressed, and how their partner helps, and I really wanted to show what it was like from the partner's eyes. In this case, Lance for Keith. I tried my hardest to portray it as well as possible, please keep in mind that this is from Lance's perspective!! I'd love to hear your feedback on how I went and if it was any good :) Sorry if there is any mistakes, it was late and I kind of got lazy with proof-reading (i.e i didnt).  
> Follow me on tumblr at saffron-skies  
> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated!


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